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Planning to propose to Girl this Valentines Day – be careful. Go Prepared

Following is archive of posts published in Jan 2010 , check if you missed any…
Have a great Feb

• Long Time No See Son, Please Log Off
• I Was Just Practicing
• Sitting Higher Have Big Advantages
• Attention Dogs
• Sex Of Fly
• Also, The Bridge Is Out Ahead
• Engineers
• You Know You Are Living 2010 When
• Reverse Psychology
• This Food Is Too Boring
• Some Nutritional Facts
• Anti Fans
• How You Live Is Your Choice To Make
• Smart Dad
• Exorcist Girl
• Understanding Tax Cuts
• New Pringles Hot n Spicy
• Brave Firemen ?
• Die Hard Canadian Hockey Fan
• Fart Football
• Optimist : Never Gives Up
• Trouble Handling You Kids : Order This
• Happy Plane
• Dream Job
• When Cloning Goes Wrong!!!!
• Flying Could Be Such A Fun
• Last Five Minutes Before The Time Ends Up
• Drinking Competition
• The Four Goldberg Brothers
• Getting Rid Of Wrinkles
• How Dare You Click My Picture Without My Permissio…
• Definition Of Kiss
• Drag N Drop
• Have You Ever Been This Tired????
• This Is What a Computer Should Do First Thing In M…
• Pregnancy Q & A
• Blogging ? Better Mind Your Grammar
• No One Tells Me Shit
• Everything OK : No Protest
• Murphy’s Technology Laws
• Life Is Long
• Indian Curry
• I Am Not Amused
• Go !! Stand Against The Wall
• Somethings Are Important Than General Knowledge
• Football Or Is It ?
• Catholic Kids
• Heavenly Meeting
• Photoshop : Fixes Anything
• Snail
• R.I.P.
• Smart Choice
• 3 Stages Of Life
• Why Not Use What You Have?
• The Guy With Pink Tee Is Dead Meat
• Winter Weather Forecast
• The Meeting’s Over Guys
• The Importance of Exercise
• DoYou Know Where Kiwi Comes From
• Craziest Explanation Ever
• Donut Philosophy
• Honest Scammer
• Alcohol Addiction
• Quick, Or My Patient Will Die
• Pre Examinations
• Cops On Duty
• Fun Pool Activities
• What To Do When Your Internet Goes Down
• Pie Chart Of Time Spent Working On Electronics
• Think You Are Smart
• Paint Fail
• Nobody Cares About Humans These Days
• How Long Has It Been Since You Played Around?
• My To Do List For Last Year
• Car Won’t Start
• Can’t Do Without TV
• Why It’s Better To Be Women
• Shoot Me
• Questions That Haunt Me
• Happy New Year To All Laughitout Reader
• Obama’s New Year Celebration
• New Year Resolutions

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d really love to be ten again” she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M’s, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“You idiot”, she replied. “I meant my dress size…”

And the moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he’s still going to get it wrong.

• The American Dairy Association was so successful with its “Got Milk?” campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was “Are you lactating?”
• Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
• Colgate introduced a toothpaste called “Cue” in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
• Coors Beers put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”
• Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” sounds much more interesting in Spanish: “It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate.”
• A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
• When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan “finger lickin’ good” came out as “eat your fingers off”
• Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, “Avoid Embarrassment – Use Quink” into Spanish as “Evite Embarazos – Use Quink”…which also means, “Avoid Pregnancy – Use Quink.”
• When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, “Pepsi Brings You Back to Life” pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave.”
• In Italy, a campaign for “Schweppes Tonic Water” translated the name into the much less thirst quenching “Schweppes Toilet Water.”
• Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn’t until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax,” depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with “ko-kou-ko-le” which translates roughly to the much more appropriate “happiness in the mouth.”
• Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that “Puff” in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren’t too fond of the name either, as it’s a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
• The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. “No va” means “it doesn’t go” in Spanish.
• Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that “Pinto” is Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals.” Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with “Corcel” which means horse.
• When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA – with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside since most people can’t read.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself and doesn’t even feel the least bit weird shutting your ‘Pepsi drawer’ with her foot!

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend’s shoulder is soggy from your tears.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they’ve gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it’s time for a few misguided Valentine’s Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we’ll get right to the funny jokes.

Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

1. “The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” ~Ann Landers
2. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” ~David Bissonnette
3. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.” ~Laurence J. Peter
4. “Women are cursed, and men are the proof.” ~Rosanne Barr
5. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram’s favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I’m stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.