The Hottest News Today

The mysterious circumstances of the collision combined with the punning potential of golf have provided plenty of material for internet wits to work with.

Here are five of the funniest Woods gags posted online so far. You can suggest your own favourites in the comment box below:

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Son: I got a question.
Father: What is your question, son?
Son: How worth am I to you?
Father: Million dollars.
Son: Can I have only ten dollars out of that.

In 2008, UNESCO dubbed China’s Hakka Houses as an official World Heritage Site, noting the historic, cultural and architectural value of these amazing structures.  Constructed from the 12th century up through the 20th, these buildings housed up to 800 people each, a city within a city that provided it’s inhabitants with safety, shelter and community.  Also known as Fujian Tulou, there are 20,000 of these structures across the Fujian province of China, a large section of coastal China across the sea from Taiwan.
The Fujian Tolou are an important part of this province’s history, as these buildings were designed to protect their inhabitants from roaming bandits and warlords.  The typical tulou is a three to five story structure comprised of a thick earthen wall (up to six feet thick in most cases) with a single entrance that was protected by a 4″ thick solid wooden door and an iron gate.  At the roof level, the tulou were dotted with gun holes to ward off attacking intruders…

In 2008, UNESCO dubbed China’s Hakka Houses as an official World Heritage Site, noting the historic, cultural and architectural value of these amazing structures.  Constructed from the 12th century up through the 20th, these buildings housed up to 800 people each, a city within a city that provided it’s inhabitants with safety, shelter and community.  Also known as Fujian Tulou, there are 20,000 of these structures across the Fujian province of China, a large section of coastal China across the sea from Taiwan.
The Fujian Tolou are an important part of this province’s history, as these buildings were designed to protect their inhabitants from roaming bandits and warlords.  The typical tulou is a three to five story structure comprised of a thick earthen wall (up to six feet thick in most cases) with a single entrance that was protected by a 4″ thick solid wooden door and an iron gate.  At the roof level, the tulou were dotted with gun holes to ward off attacking intruders.
Aesthetically, these buildings capture the spirit and beauty of rural China. Their occupants share a sense of community and hard work for the greater good, where the tasks of daily life are managed collectively, not alone.  Visually, these structures are decidedly Chinese in nature, with clay tiled roofs, wooden framing, stone walkways and earthen walls.

1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4. Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
5. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
6. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
7. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. Never buy a car you can’t push.
10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
11. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
12. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
13. The Second mouse gets the cheese
14. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
15. Birthdays are good for you, the more you have, the longer you live.
16. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
17. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
18. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
19. We could learn a lot from crayons, some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
20. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
21. Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

1. It’s showing on an airplane… and you STILL think about walking out!
2. Even if you’ve snuck into the theater, you still demand your money back afterwards!
3. After it’s over you say to yourself, “Wow, and the best part of that was Vin Diesel’s performance!”
4. You start to cry, not because of the poignant story, but due to the bad acting.
5. There’s a CRYING BABY in the audience…and the Baby’s lines are more interesting than what the actors on screen are saying!”
6. You see John Waters in the audience getting sick to his stomach.
7. Nobody even bought the bootleg DVD at the swap meet!
8. The director holds a press conference as “Alan Smithee” behind bullet-proof glass!
9. You have trouble leaving because it SUCKS!
10. You cringe in horror… and it’s a NUDE scene!
11. EVERYONE in the theater decides to play Mystery Science Theater 3000!
12. You think out loud that it would be a good weapon in the war on terror…
13. The USHERS don’t show up, even when offered triple pay.
14. The guy who’s videotaping it for the bootleg walks out!
15. When the SWAT team asks where the bomb is…and everyone points to the screen…
16. Someone spills the popcorn and soda all over the screen… …and nobody notices the difference…

Gunfire rang throughout a Chicago suburb as an employee of Little Nero’s, a popular pizza chain, was attacked after making a delivery.

According the pizza boy, who wished to remain anonymous, the assailant was an agitated old man who not only took pleasure in attacking him, but laughed while doing so.

“He said he was gonna give me to the count of ten,” said the blonde-haired delivery boy. “There’s no way that crazed maniac got to ten before that tommy gun started firing off rounds.”

The pizza boy was also emotionally distressed from the ordeal. “He called me ugly, yellow, and a filthy animal. Plus, the guy was a real cheapskate. Barely left a tip.”

A police investigation, led by an officer who only went by “Harry,” yielded no further evidence. The residence, belonging to the McCallister family, showed no damages.

“If there were in fact gunshots, wouldn’t there have been bullet holes?” said the officer with a gold tooth. “The place has been jumping too. Parties, dancing. I saw Michael Jordan there one night.”